Grief, Care giving, and such

So much has happened in the past few years. My mom and granny passed away. These two deaths were heart wrenching to say the least. I did not like seeing them suffer. One day I will write about the process of giving care for both, how different it was and how much I wanted to take away their pain. I felt so helpless.

 

365 New Years Days

Its a new year, filled with new possibilities! I love the New Year because the world collectively is in "start over" mode! Every body takes a look at what they didnt do, or what they wanted to do, and makes plans and efforts towards those things; DO OVER! How wonderful is that?! Sounds like EVERY DAY for the believer! He says His mercy is NEW EVERY MORNING, so to every believer Happy 365 New Years Days and counting!

Upheaval

This weekend was ridiculous in God! What an awesome time in the Holy Ghost! It had been so long that I experienced  that type of anointing, that I hadn't realized that the fire that was once resident in me was dormant and almost fizzled out. I thought I was in a good place but once I experienced the apostolic and the prophetic again, I remembered, my Spirit Man remembered and my baby leaped! I love it when God smears us with fresh oil! I am revived and refreshed and recharged and ready to carry out my mandate and purpose once again! There has been a strong, violent, disturbance (upheaval) in my life! I am not the same woman that I was last week and all because of being in the atmosphere of miracles once again! How I miss and long for the apostolic and prophetic in a continuous flow! The Lord will lead me to that place once again. Until then, I will maintain, protect, and guard with my life what I have received and will not let anyone, including me, or anything remove me from THIS place; KINGDOM!

The Days of Our Lives

Everyday we live is for a purpose! There is something to be accomplished just in the day to day interactions, and pursuits of just being. Someone is to educated, informed, encouraged, set straight, put in their place, or elevated to a new place by your being, existing, interacting, admonishing, charging, providing. So when the day to day seems mundane and monotonous or pointless, know this! These are the days of your life for you to live! Don't let them "LIVE" you! Live charged and motivated by purpose!

Experiences-Revelation

Life is a collection of experiences. Everyday is an experience, pleasant or unpleasant, all still experience. Reading is an experience. Writing is an experience. Going to the store, you guessed it, is an experience. God's design is to guide your experiences to an expected end so He gives you gifts and talents to lead you down a particular pathway. A poets experience is tailored to things that appear poetic, so the poet moves to help you experience his or her experience by sharing a poem or spoken word piece; all experiences.As the poet articulates or shares, you are taken to another experience designed to heighten your experience to an awareness, affirmation, frustration, disdain; some emotion that affects your experience that either causes you to cry, get angry, be healed, be uncovered, be moved to action, which in turn affects your experience. Your experience/life DOES matter! Its apart of the circle of life. You HAVE ALREADY made a difference to someones existence, experience, life! YOU MATTER!

Invisible

According to Hebrews 11, the worlds were framed by that which is invisible. That means what we see is made or framed by something we cant see. How many invisible factors are at work today to create the things we currently see? How many future things are yet to be created but the invisible things that are at work right now?  Wow just to think the grass that we walk on was formed by the invisible?Everything, the sun, the moon, the stars, oceans, mountains, etc were formed by the invisible.

God himself decides to remain invisible! Their must be some validity to invisibility.

Without faith, its impossible to please God. Faith is not visible but experienced! So the key to unlock God's invisible center of pleasure is not seen but experienced. Tap into the invisible.....The Only Wise God, and allow him to make Himself visible to you.

Hunger

Hunger can be a driving force. I have be so compelled by hunger to go to 3 different places to get 3different items to create 1 meal. How crazy is that? Ludicrous. There are no limitations to hunger. If you are hungry enough, you will eat anything and stop at nothing to satisfy the hunger. Natural hunger is a mirror of hunger for anything else. If you are hungry for attention, hungry for advancement, hungry for mobility, nothing will stop you. Check you appetite.

Men today

I think, and this is just my opinion, but the definition of man has been redefined to mean something that doesn't require integrity and responsibility. Ive had three men, in the last 5 years of my life promise to be the father that they believe that I need, and all three of those men are no where to be found today. Really? Why the empty promises? It was a waste of their breath and my time and emotions. I had a daddy. Granted, he didnt do everything that he could have done, but he did the best he knew how to do. He didnt have the greatest example himself, so I cant really blame him for everything. I love him and I forgave him a long time ago. There will NEVER be another Jimmy (Tommy) Lee Usry!!! And Im good!

I have had three men approach me in the last 5 yearswho are married. Really? Like if you are going to play the field why did you sign the deal? You should have never signed the marriage license. I just dont understand.

And the one man that claims he loves me, and once wanted to marry, still wants and still loves me finds it hard to send or return text messages, or make phone calls. Is that how love and wanting someone goes? I'm just saying! SMH!

And then my final take on men today, I know that I am a pretty good woman and I have a lot to offer and a lot to give, but the men that I have come in contact with seem to take those things for granted. I just don't understand. If I was a hooker, a "trick", or a player, I would probably get any and every man that I wanted but because I have morals and values and standards I remain single. Don't get me wrong. I'm not lonely; just observant, and coming to some conclusions in the 3, almost 4 decades that Ive been living.

Im sure this is not the stance of all men, it just seems to be the ONLY men that I come in contact with. Where are the brothers who love the Lord and know how to love their woman/wife as Christ loved the church? Are they still being formed or has that mold been thrown out with the bath water? Where are the Joseph Mitchell's  of the 21st Century? My Grandaddy "put it down" forHis God, His Wife, and His Family!!

Praying for a "do over"!

A Fashionista Is Emerging.....

Everything changes. Nothing remains the same! Not even the skin on your body. It stretches or shrinks to accommodate life changes, such as aging, pregnancy, and menopause (male and female; I'm convinced that men go through menopause as well. There's just no blood involved.)

As I grow older, my interest and focuses are changing. The things that used to mean a lot are not so important anymore. The "small stuff" that used to be huge mountains are truly the "small stuff" now. I don't have to win every argument. I don't have to be right. I don't have to have the last word. One of the largest discoveries is that I don't have to always go without the things that I like and want; especially clothing.

I grew up in a household where my Mom worked really hard to make sure that our needs were met along with my Granny and My Aunt. We never lived in the ghetto. We never went without food. And we were never in the dark. I have always been sensitive to others needs and wants, especially my Moms. My Mom struggled to make ends meet and they didn't always and she would never tell us that. But I would see my Mom crying and stressed because she wanted to give us so much and couldn't.  My sister had to have the latest fashions without sensitivity to my Mom's struggle, so I would just take the hand-me-downs. (My sister is not that way now.; She would take care of everybody if she could and tries to; friends and family.)I wouldn't express that I didn't like something to the point where I lost a sense of what makes me happy.

 That's definitely changing now.I see outfits in my sleep! I have visions of what shoes to wear with what outfit and I actually want to go shopping!!!! I have NEVER liked to shop because my Mom didn't like to shop. She said spending money would give her a headache! I took on that same mentality, but in the words of Diana Ross, "I'm Coming Out"! Look out world cause HERE I COMEEEEE! I'm ready for this new chapter in my life!! Hope the world is ready for me!!!!! *Big Smiles*

Endearing Love

Today was my last day of work at a job that I never intended to become attached with the people or the position. I thought it was just to be a transitional position until God directed me further down the path that He intended  for me to walk. While in this position, I went through many changes, financially, positionally, socially, even geographically; some of the changes harder than others but I came through. The especially difficult times would some times lead me to believe that I was not in the will of God or that I had done something knowingly or unknowingly that angered God so he was some how punishing me. While in the midst of the financial changes I learned how to pray and just wait. I learned that the most important things are not purchased by money. I also learn to draw closer to those who were experiencing the same for strength.

 While going through changes positionally, being promoted, I learned that there is more value in me and what God has allowed me to learn and attain than I had ascribed to myself. I learned to see myself through eyes that valued what I could bring to the table.

The changes socially truly tried to throw me for a loop. I attempted to be in a relationship with someone who was very active socially; clubbing, drinking, dancing, partying, having sex with whomever whenever (the person was; not me). There were even some social issues at my job that caused there to be some tension between myself and my co-workers. I felt like the outcast and the unwanted. Inadvertently, I stopped looking for the approval of others. I found out that those things did not and don't currently make me happy. I also found out that I cant really be in a close relationship with someone, friendship or otherwise, that does not share a similar interest and passion for living a life that is pleasing to God.

After being evicted from my apartment and having to live with someone again was a "hard place" and I felt like, again, I was being punished or that God was trying to teach me a lesson. But in the midst, I learned about the timing of God. If I had still been attached to a lease, I would not have been ready to accept my new position in NC. I would not have even been pressed to look because I wasn't uncomfortable enough yet. I was uncomfortable but not uncomfortable enough to begin to really press in, seek God, and "beat the pavement".

As the kids and the staff said Goodbye to me, I felt a sense of peace that comes from knowing that I, through God,  have done a good work, and have left a good impression on the lives that I came in contact with. Although there were some not so good days, the love, endearing love, outweighed them all in those last moments......! There's nothing like endearing love!

Processes

Preparing for change and transition is a process that most would like to avoid if at all possible, but it is a commonality that we all share. As long as there is life, there will be change and transition; some more difficult than others but necessary for growth and progression. Could your struggles connote a fight against the process of change? Could God be leading you down the path of righteousness for His name's sake while you decide on constant detours that lead to  remaining the same? Reexamine. Reassess and stop fighting the process.

Is Jesus socially relevant?

Somebody asked me, "Is Jesus socially relevant?" I pondered the question and began to think about the things that are "socially relevant". Twitter, Facebook, Reality TV, Gay marriages, the presidential election, and the high price of gas are issues that are relevant to  society.

Jesus is historically thought of as the dude in "Jesus sandals", wearing a long dress, walking on the dusty roads of Jerusalem in the dead of heat, speaking an English that very few of us have mastered. He's not generally thought of as a tweeter, posting a status on Facebook, or standing in the lines at the polls to vote for the next best candidate for the Presidency.
Or is He?

"Tweeple" tweet about issues that are close to their hearts, their day to day, moment to moment activities, things that they represent, or just their interests; i.e. music, fashion, relationships, just to name a few. People connect through Facebook with people from their past, or learn whats going on in the lives of people in their present. There's no limit to the "realities" of Reality TV, and the popularity  of the topic of  Gay marriages fluctuates based on which state makes a particular stand for or against it. Media are filled with images and propaganda that points to the magnified incapability of each political candidate, while gas prices continue to rise along with the blood pressure of the consumer. In all of this, is Jesus socially relevant?

Jesus was talking to his followers (Tweeple) sharing (Facebook status) the thoughts of the one He represented ("Who You Wit?") on different behaviors that are appropriate for different settings. Although the settings were not the same, the need for principles that apply in various social settings remains the same. People were and are looking for THE answer to every situations.

Principles transcend time."Give and it shall be given". Although the context for which the words were written are not the same, the underlying message is the same as well as the law that is in motion; reciprocity!

Jesus gave those who believed in him the opportunity to have access to something better and greater; the Kingdom of God. Who wouldn't want better and greater? Within the kingdom of God are all the things that any person could ever want; but its only afforded to those who have access; those who decide that Jesus is relevant no matter the social setting, and receive Him in their hearts. Once that happens, Jesus begins to Tweet through them, post a status through them, wear stilettos and a business suit making major impacts in "Corporate America"  through them, and stand in the lines at the polls and vote for the next president of the United States through them!
So tell me? Is Jesus socially relevant?

Growing: Coming Into Myself

I was privileged to go see Tyler Perry's Movie "Good Deeds" and WOW! I had a "come to Jesus meeting:! Did I see myself in that movie? Yes Ma'am! Yes Sir! I cried for two hours after the movie! My name is Ms. Deeds! I have spent my ENTIRE life pleasing others and making others happy to the point where I don't know what I like! I revisited some of the decisions of my childhood and saw where I made decisions based on my own desires but on the desires of others; what made others happy or at peace! I didn't press my Mom about the clothes that I wanted to wear because she struggled to buy those things for my sister! Now while that seems selfless and wonderful, I LOST MYSELF! WHO AM I? WHAT AM I DOING HERE? These things affected my self esteem!
I am discovering now what I like! I actually decided what I, emphasis on I, what I wanted to eat after a church service! DO YOU KNOW HOW MAJOR THAT WAS? I have NEVER done that!!!
 I am in a place of self discovery; THE JOURNEY OF ME........

I write....

I was reading a blog post of a very talented writer. She calls herself a Jedi Jesus Girl! As I was reading, I was inspired! She has such a keen insight to this thing called life and I am not sure if she even knows it! Do you know anyone who has such great potential but does not realize it? I am sure we all have encountered such persons! If you have anyone like that, tell them how great they are..... Celebrate them and help them learn to celebrate themselves!

Aesthetically Audbibly Me

www.lulu.com/spotlight/tralyneu1 (Buy your copy today!)

"Aesthetically, Audibly Me" is a book of Spoken Word pieces designed to invoke images and sounds that will point the reader to God.

LET's Get Lifted!

8/8/10 1:06 a.m.

Elevation

I don’t think you’re ready for the truth of this spit

Cover your heart

Cuz it’s about to hit

Them quiet reserved spaces

Them places where you hide

And nobody can surmise

Not even the prophet with the keenest eyes

That you a thief

You’re a closet prostitute

Selling your wares for the biggest compliment

Searching for approval from man

Looking for a hand… out

To applaud

Your efforts to be fake

Not sharing the truth of your being

Because truthfully speaking

You don’t know it

And you show it

Every time you open your mouth

Your words betray you

They say that you

Have no idea

Live beneath your privileges

Not understanding your wealth

Crying about the hand you been dealt

My momma didn’t love me

I was dropped at birth

I wasn’t educated

On these things, you place your worth

Mephiboseth help to declare to the cripple and lame

Their place at the kings table still remains

Help me, Moses, stammering in speech

Declare to the feeble minded, God will speak

Education is not the key

What God speaks will be

He’s declared to the unloved

You are loved

He’s closer to you

Than a hand in a glove

He’s proclaimed to the crippled

In Him you walk again

And to the uneducated

Let this mind be within

That mind of Christ

The sword

The Word

The Knife

Christ is the Life

And the Light of the World

Illumination is the right of Creation

Be enlightened

And enlighten your self

Stop breathing earth fumes

And take this Eternal breath

Come up higher

Retire

The old man

Your place is in heavenly places

And spaces

Where Christ sitteth on the right hand

Come from the bottom

And join Him

Doing It!

8/8/10 12:46 a.m.

Evangelism

The creative juices are flowing

Inside me knowing

That this is an expression of Him

The true gem

I can take no credit

For this gift is not my own

But it came straight from the throne

From the bowels of the throne room of compassion

This limitlessness is matchless

None can compare

O contraire mon frere

Who would dare?

I am but an extension of Him

The true gem

Gem germinates the innate within

His next of kin

Stirring and contemplating

What part of him he will birth

Through poetry

Through dance

Through the arts

His best he imparts

To the unsuspecting

The suspect being

The ones without

Those that don’t shout

But shoot up

Caught in a rut

Wanting to die

Scared to try

To live

To these ones

He gives his gifts and talents

His abilities and possibilities

The drunk on the street

Is a philosophizing beast

Because the gift to reason is on the inside of Him

Inspite of Him

That thugged out pimp

God didn’t skimp

On the gift to sing

Everything is not about His diamond rings and bling bling

There’s an impartation in him

No less than them

Who cry Holy Holy on Sunday morning

These is the highways and hedges folks

That God calls us to invoke

Life in

That prostitute, homosexual, wife beating lunatic

Is your next of kin

GO GET THEM

Do You Really Know Whose I AM?

Take me out of your box

You got me trapped in a box

In your pretty little mind

O f what you think I should be

Not really seeing me

You see the dancer

Prancer

Rhythmic motion romancers

And you think

Hey she’s easy

A slick hook and a nice beat

Will lull this beast to sleep

With this same box

You remember the locks

Or kinky twist I used to wear

So you think

Like my former hair

Style

My pattern is tight

Easy to be straightened

Some grease will increase

The elasticity

So you think you can stretch me to fit

Whatever you deem appropriate

Or you think that just because I hum an occasional tune

Create a skit, using the metaphors of the stars and the moon

Or intellectualize on a theory

Or a conclusion surmise

That you see through my eyes

You think that I am rewritable

Like a hook on song that you just don’t like

Or made into 16 bars to make it tight

To your delight

Or a scene in a play that can be misquoted

Demoted

Or just outright made of no importance

I am not your concept of me

What you perceive me to be

See what you don’t see

Is this simmering eruption

This burning within me

To be the fullness of He

That called me

There is a cataclysmic eruption

Stirring within

Bubbling and gurgling

At the sound of Him

My next of kin

Hearing the ebbing, swelling tide that He is

Bursting to express to men

That He Lives

And He’s coming back again

For His next of Kin

The ones that look like Him

Walking

Talking

Breathing

Sighing Him

I just want to be like Him

To look like Him

To Please Him

To see Him

To Be Him

In Earth

His nature I must birth

I’m pregnant with possibility

Potential potentially potent to

Burst the water of my womb

The contractions consume

Consume my prayers

My meditation

My devotion

My dedication

His voice

My only medication

Will birth this nation

That’s on the inside of me

Please don’t take me to be

What you think you see

But truly see

That I am He

And He is me

Take me out of your box

Recess is OVER!

Stop Playin’

See Imma come at this piece

Like my life is about to cease

Because it is

This is my one shot in life

To effect with the knife

This sword in my throat

Is about to make me choke

Choke to get it out

Choke to spit

Choke to say

I’m sick of this sssh

Don’t say it out loud

It’s a crowd

Don’t you dare say that you sick of status quo

Here comes the big woe

The big woe of church folks

Man I could choke

I mean for real

What are we really doing?

Are we affecting change?

Or are we continuing to maim

Yeah, I get your three point sermon

Hopping and leaping

While the sinners murmur

Looking at us

Saying, Man I know they fake

Cuz that same bite of sin

Together we just ate

Digesting fornication

Sipping on thieving contemplation

Hyprociting the mystery

Corruption, a part of the church’s history

We can’t deny it

We need not even try it

We folks been lying

Since God put the sun in the sky and

Nailed His Son to die and

What for?

Do we really think that Satan ain't gone even the score?

Out of hell, we can’t connive

Or contrive

No more will we be alive

So how bout now

Now we stop playing games

And just do the dang thang

Get on our “J”

And get out of the way

For the revolution is a forward notion

A motion of people pressing in

Investing in

The next of kin

Laying seed in these kids

Living the life amid

This dying generation

This population

Full of aggravation

Needs every congregation

To just stop playing!