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Friday, August 24, 2012

Endearing Love

Today was my last day of work at a job that I never intended to become attached with the people or the position. I thought it was just to be a transitional position until God directed me further down the path that He intended  for me to walk. While in this position, I went through many changes, financially, positionally, socially, even geographically; some of the changes harder than others but I came through. The especially difficult times would some times lead me to believe that I was not in the will of God or that I had done something knowingly or unknowingly that angered God so he was some how punishing me. While in the midst of the financial changes I learned how to pray and just wait. I learned that the most important things are not purchased by money. I also learn to draw closer to those who were experiencing the same for strength.

 While going through changes positionally, being promoted, I learned that there is more value in me and what God has allowed me to learn and attain than I had ascribed to myself. I learned to see myself through eyes that valued what I could bring to the table.

The changes socially truly tried to throw me for a loop. I attempted to be in a relationship with someone who was very active socially; clubbing, drinking, dancing, partying, having sex with whomever whenever (the person was; not me). There were even some social issues at my job that caused there to be some tension between myself and my co-workers. I felt like the outcast and the unwanted. Inadvertently, I stopped looking for the approval of others. I found out that those things did not and don't currently make me happy. I also found out that I cant really be in a close relationship with someone, friendship or otherwise, that does not share a similar interest and passion for living a life that is pleasing to God.

After being evicted from my apartment and having to live with someone again was a "hard place" and I felt like, again, I was being punished or that God was trying to teach me a lesson. But in the midst, I learned about the timing of God. If I had still been attached to a lease, I would not have been ready to accept my new position in NC. I would not have even been pressed to look because I wasn't uncomfortable enough yet. I was uncomfortable but not uncomfortable enough to begin to really press in, seek God, and "beat the pavement".

As the kids and the staff said Goodbye to me, I felt a sense of peace that comes from knowing that I, through God,  have done a good work, and have left a good impression on the lives that I came in contact with. Although there were some not so good days, the love, endearing love, outweighed them all in those last moments......! There's nothing like endearing love!

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